New Year's Eve Eve

I have spent most of this year, especially in the last four months, completely at odds with myself.

One minute loving my life, the next wondering how I got here and why I stay.

I believe it is all for the best. We made a choice 13 months ago to run away with the circus, and despite having it completely turn our lives upside-down, we still believe it was the right move.

Do I miss teaching? Yes. But from what I've heard, there has been so much change at my old job in the last year I wouldn't be happy there. And if I had taken the job in Prospect I had been offered just before we left, I'd have spent so much of the past year commuting and missed that time with Kaylee. I have a student to tutor, and can always go back to teaching. I'll never get these days and these experiences with my baby girl again.

Do I miss Ashland and our friends? Yes, but some of them are moving on, too. And those that aren't will still be there when we get back. Our dream for Southern Oregon was raising a family and retiring there. There's still time for those things. Traveling Aus and making new friends happens here and now. When I remember to live in these moments, there's nothing better.

And the parts that have been rough? I will get over them. They'll stop haunting me. They hurt, and they changed us... But for the better, I think. And, I may not ever learn to love the constant packing, but we're getting better at it, learning what we can live without and leaving a trail of donations behind us. And that was one of our goals with this adventure: learn to live with less.

It has been a crazy year. I can't begin to describe how confusing and exciting and painful and beautiful it has all been. But I can say this: I think it was worth it. And when I look back on it fifty years from now, I'm only going to remember the good parts and laugh at the rest.

To borrow from a friend's FB status, and I'm sure butchering the quote completely:

To those who leave me, happy journey. To those who stay, thank you for your love and support.