Let's be clear, right up front. There are MANY techniques for helping your child learn how to be comfortable in their bed and sleep without being held (if that's what you wish to do). Whichever one you advocate, because it's what feels right to you and your family, I applaud you for it. It is not an easy choice, and if you were able to read all the books and make an informed (or instinctual) decision that worked for you, you are fortunate.
I had had big plans, back when I had a house, a nursery, and a job, that I wouldn't make any big decisions about how to transition Kaylee from sleeping in the basinet next to our bed to sleeping in her own crib until I knew more about her temperament and our relationship. And until a minimum of six months. I had thought I'd have time in those six months to read about the options, compare them to her, and make informed decisions. I knew that was asking for a lot. I'm not a fool - I knew that being busy with her would reduce the amount of time I could spend reading those things.
Then, we joined the circus. And I found out that we would, (1) be moving every 8-12 weeks and having to transition to new spaces, new time zones, etc (2) at BEST and only in some cities, have a one bedroom apartment to ourselves, (3) USUALLY have a two-bedroom apartment that we shared with another member of the crew (and their official famille), (4) potentially even be in studio apartment/hotel suites (as we will have in Portland). Add that to working with a baby to learn how to sleep on their own? I was back to square one, and trying to think like an anthropologist. How do babies raised in small log cabins, huts in Africa, or even all the way back to caves, learn to sleep? So, for months, I haven't minded if I have to snuggle with her all night to get her to sleep. Since from Day One, I knew that my child would sleep just 10-20 minutes on her own (in the basinet or bouncy seat) but could sleep for hours if she was being held, I just went with it. There are plenty of experts who say that as long as you're careful and getting enough sleep to not feel irresponsibly sleep deprived, co-sleeping can be a great option. And there were nights I didn't sleep well, but on the whole, it was working, and it worked with the concepts of sharing a small living space. It hasn't even been every night. Most of the past 24 weeks, she's slept just fine in her own bed, waking only 3-4 times a night to eat, then going right back to sleep. The seemingly endless nights of bouncing or holding a fussy (or just AWAKE) baby really only accounted for one or two nights a week - at most. This false sense of predictability and security I had in our current arrangement was working well for me.
Until the past week or so. When I realized that my six month old (yikes! when did THAT happen??) who could play independently on the floor for long stretches of time, couldn't calm herself at all. Anything that woke her up at night made her think it was time to play and have 100% of mom's or dad's attention. Being tired in the stroller or car seat was an excuse to become angry and need 100% of my attention. (Turns out, she doesn't quite understand the concept that if she let's me keep walking/driving we could get home to her bottle/clean diaper/bed faster than if she makes me stop and comfort her). I worked with it, for the most part. Planned our walks to have breaks every 20 minutes to solve whatever problem she'd come up with; learned to drive with one hand in the backseat holding her pacifier in or letting her grab hold of my finger while trying to tune out the screaming; accepted that my child wants 100% attention when she wants it - and I kind of love that about her. Especially now that she also demonstrates some independence when she plays or eats or people-watches. She's developing a good sense of balance between learning on her own and wanting to have mommy's comfort and guidance. But the same couldn't be said for her ability to transition from AWAKE to ASLEEP. In this area, she didn't seem to be developing any skills at all.
Enter - the decision to let her spend some time crying last night...
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